“When a real nigga hold you down you s’posed to drown.”
Stars & Symbols
Basic Shapes: Circle
“God is a circle whose center is everywhere and circumference nowhere.”
The circle is a larger force than we can truly comprehend, and if you don’t get it now, it will surely come back again. Continue reading
Remember when Tom Hanks’ character in castaway knocked out his own tooth because it was causing him such excruciating pain?
That was me this morning.
I have a habit of putting things off as long as humanly possible, which is exactly what I did with my tooth that had been causing me occasional pain, albeit dull, for the past couples years. Let me tell you, the pain was anything but dull when I woke up. I immediately called out of both jobs, and scheduled an emergency appointment. I also cried for 2.5 seconds, which was probably the quickest, cutest cry I’ve ever cried. Brevity + sincerity = so adorable.
My wisdom teeth were all taken out in high school, and after I graduated, I steered clear of the dentist’s office. In September, I discovered a hole in my tooth (last one on the upper left), and decided it was time for 4 years worth of damage control.
I read up on all about the dangers of fluoride and mercury poisoning in college, so I was hesitant to visit the dentist again. After doing some sort of X-Ray or scan, they confirmed that there was indeed a hole, and tried to coerce me into scheduling a root canal. Instead I inquired more about the extraction. After emphasizing the fact that “once it’s gone, it’s gone forever” and reluctantly admitting that the extraction would be the cheaper option, I decided I needed time to think about it before I scheduled the procedure. Is it in the dentistry handbook to make the patient feel forced into a root canal and guilty for electing an extraction? Selling is not exclusive to retail I have learned.
“I mean, you’re not going to hell if you get the extraction,” the dentist told me, breaking it down for me, man to man. That was the awkward moment when I realized I was an adult, because the kiddy dentist would have never said that to me. Continue reading
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” asked the hostess (Kate? Katie?) at Amada, Atlantic City’s very own Spanish tapas restaurant, located in the Revel. I was on getting change for $100 for my manager at my new job before we closed and she was the first face I saw in a sea of slot machines. The plan was to eat here for my birthday back in October, but I was ensconced in the icy inertia of a black hole, the abyss of which I am finally crawling my way out.
“I want to be everything,” I replied, excited to be on the receiving end of such a question.
Tomorrow will make a week since I started my second job at Hugo Boss, also located in the Revel. I reduced my hours at The Spa to accommodate my new full-time schedule, but I plan to balance both. For the first time since high school I am waking up before 9 AM nearly every day to work opening shifts at one job (and subsequently enduring the duration of the day to close at the other), which I never thought would happen. My life as I know it is totally shifting, forcing me to let go of ALL that has been slowing me down. Getting used to my new lifestyle is quite a rush, filling me with a sense of exhilaration that I have not felt since I left New York. As I adjust I frequently find myself in a dream-like state where almost anything is possible. [Maybe it’s my restless Mars in Gemini, but…] I am actually happy to be doubly employed.
Both jobs are at completely different ends of the spectrum. One is geared toward dressing people up with expensive suits and other high-end fashions to look good on the outside, whereas the other focuses on the inner healing power of the therapeutic arts. I work with all guys who only sell menswear at one job, as opposed to the other where I work with all females at the front desk in order to maintain the soft, tranquil ambiance of a massage & facial spa. Don’t even get me started on how I am subjected to chair-withdrawal when I leave the seated pleasure of job #1 to go stand all day at job #2. The only similarity that comes to mind is that they are both sales-driven. Of course the more I sell, the more I get to help people (albeit in vastly dichotomous ways), and the more money I generate for the business and for myself.
This time last year I worked a week straight for the first time thanks(?) to Hurricane Sandy which left my coworkers stranded in Staten Island, not to mention the convenience of living in the same high-rise building as my work-study job. I was also blessed with a decent refund check that enabled me to do some overdue shopping and lasted me the rest of the semester. Simply put, it seems almost too easy to materialize my desires when working with the energy during this time of year, like magick manifest. If you have the urge to complicate things, don’t. Let it be. If it feels real, it is.
The Full Moon in Taurus seems to reveal all the different ways we can accumulate or even attract valuable resources, whether they are our own or other people’s. Remember, full moons are always in opposition to the sun, and the sun is now in the mysteriously magnetic sign of Scorpio, ruler of all passions secret and unseen. Whatever prize we covet during Scorpio Season, especially if you have an abundance of Scorpionic energy in your natal chart like I do, seem to materialize with surprising ease. It’s like all the slow & steady work we’ve been doing for the past six months [since the sun was in Taurus] has snuck up on us to give us a pat on the back, a gourmet snack, and the realization of our creative potential. What makes it even better is that the rewards we are reaping are very well-deserved, the result of sharing our talents and bringing out the best in other people. The illumination of this Full Moon makes it clear for us to see what we’re really worth. Continue reading
“i need…” (isn’t that just the worst, most pathetic one?)
that was one of my terse philoso-tweets last week and i still standby the sentiment. a big revelation for me has been the use of language by not only the people in my most immediate sphere of existence, but in a larger societal context as well. long story short, i feel like most of us have no real conception of the words we speak.
it’s like there is a disconnect between what we mean and what we are actually saying, which completely alters our inner being. what type of assessment are we making about the quality of our lives when we iterate such obliviously abject phrases and adopt them as mantra? i know that it’s hard to break certain habits, especially those that are speech-related, as some of us do not even possess the tools to help us recognize and identify the self-perpetuation of our own depleted states. when one says “i need…”, does one really need or is one exaggerating an irreverent inaccuracy?
maybe it’s not a question of language, or maybe it is, but maybe there’s another, more intimate way we could approach this. as an astrology enthusiast, i know that when it comes to neediness, one mustn’t look any further than the darkest shadow of the moon. dependent on the moon’s placement and relationship to other planets in the natal chart, the condition of necessity versus autonomy in an individual’s genetic makeup is variable.
tonight the moon is in aquarius, my moon sign, which heralds the dawn of my monthly lunar return. the sun is in scorpio, my sun sign, building up to that oh-so familiar square [difficult aspect] to the water-bearing moon, and thus i am thrown right back in the middle of the boxing ring i was born into. under the sun/moon square, our emotional nature based on our subconscious idea of personal security is brought to light whether or not we are willing, enabling us see clearly our own inner conflicts. this is the perfect weather to “know thyself” and for me to reflect honestly on my needs (or lack thereof if my inner aquarius has any sway in this conversation). Continue reading