Women have played a major role in my life. Not just one woman, but women… plural. My parents weren’t together when I was born so my mother raised me as a single parent, and for the greater duration of the first decade of my life we lived with various relatives. My most impressionable years were molded by the women who surrounded me, older women to be more specific. It was like a community of mothers, each one with something unique to offer my childhood self. There were men around, uncles and whatnot, but interactions with male figures were never as affirming for me as the matriarchal exchanges.
Naturally, my interests aligned with what most people categorize as “girl stuff” when I was growing up. I loved Destiny’s Child and Disney films like The Little Mermaid. The majority of my friends were girls, especially the ones closest to me. I was a boy, and I had guy friends, but I was never one of the boys. As I made my way through primary school, I faced my fair share of judgment from people who didn’t understand or agree with the way I expressed myself in accordance with my gender, and there were times where I judged myself for not being manly enough. At this point in my life, I still have to make a conscious effort to silence the voice of gender policeman that I allowed to invade my headspace, but everyday I learn to embrace my femininity more than before. Despite whoever has disagreed with my lifestyle, I know now that there is nothing wrong with the way I am, and I believe that my childhood conditioning was meant to prepare me for greatness. Allow me to explain myself…
There is an aspect in my natal chart that clues me into the grand scheme of who I am in regards to my resonance with the feminine influence. I have a moon/north node conjunction! The conjunction is an astrological aspect that is equivalent to a union and it occurs when two celestial bodies and/or astronomical points come together as one amplified, integrated force. In other words, two separate energies blend and work as one. So what exactly does a conjunction between the moon and the imply that could possibly explain my lifelong interest in the alluring, creative, nurturing essence of opposite sex?
******* FUN FACT: the moon and the north node are currently conjunct in libra as I type… how appropriate! *******
The moon in the natal chart is regarded as the archetypal mother. The moon relates is symbolically feminine as it receives and reflects [solar] energy rather than generates it, just like the mother is impregnated by the seed of the father’s phallus. The moon represents the fertile creativity and infinite possibilities of the obscure and sometimes unpredictably irrational feminine principle. Similar to the reproductive potential of real life mother, some consider the moon to be the gateway into the multifaceted manifestations of womanhood, almost like a matriarchal matrix out of which all forms of feminine expression could spring forth. The way we all experience our own mothers from the womb and after, the genetic memory of our ancestral lineages, as well as the impressions left on us by the domestic dynamic of our formative years are ruled by the moon in astrology. The moon is indicative of our subconscious emotional reactions, ingrained behavior, and what we need to feel at home. If the moon were personified, most astrologers would describe her as a mature, motherly woman of a certain age.
The moon has two nodes, which are not planetary bodies, but geometrically calculated points. The south node represents what we have mastered in our past lives that could become a karmic crutch if we choose to stay complacent in this life. The north node on the other hand acts as a karmic compass, guiding us in the opposite direction, the direction of destiny, which can often times be unfamiliar and uncomfortable. If we use the gifts as suggested by the south node as we explore the uncharted territory of the north node, we will feel more fulfilled in this incarnation. Exploration of the realm of the north node as indicated by sign/house placement is said to yield favorable results and outcomes that benefit us spiritually.
In my natal chart, the moon and the moon’s north node are conjunct (not exact, but a couple degrees apart in aquarius in my 2nd house), meaning that my subconscious feminine side is somehow tied into my life’s purpose. Maybe there is a greater, more cosmic reason why I am the way I am. A moon/north node conjunction tells me that my relationship with the feminine end of the spectrum is bigger than I realize. Looking back, I have gained from the women in my life and my appreciation of their creations. The tricky part of this aspect is that the moon is not easily known. It is dark and shadowy and even deceiving at its very worst. Just imagine walking through down a dimly lit street at 3 AM… Our perception would be distorted to say the least, and we would have to rely solely on instinct to protect ourselves from the things that go bump in the night. With the moon so close to my north node, I have an instinctual understanding of trends and the general consensus from moment to moment, but my understanding is not conscious therefore it can be quite difficult to clarify and be confident in what I know on an intuitive level. My destiny is encoded in my DNA, bubbling just below the surface, all the answers waiting to be revealed by the illumination of awareness.
The women whose paths have crossed mine were placed in my life to teach me how to tune into realm of the divinely powerful feminine energy and my goal is to harness it so that it works for me as I balance it with my inherent masculinity. I believe the circumstances of my early life and its effect on my growth and development to be a metaphysical gift that was meant to prepare me to usher in a new era. Before I discovered the occult sciences, I allowed myself to be influenced by other people’s opinions of how I should be, but now I make it my mission to explore curiously and unapologetically the endless dimensions of my femininity. It has become clear that my destiny is fertile, and it excites me to know that within me lies a whole womb of life-affirming possibilities just waiting to be birthed.