the roots & the tree: capricorn full moon [#StarsAndSymbols]

one of the great things about roots is how they provide the tree with the support necessary to uphold its composure as it climbs great heights. if there is no foundation, there is no growth. that said, the fullest way for the tree to honor its roots is to challenge itself to reach higher than it ever has. after all, isn’t that the purpose of planting seeds in the first place?

with the sun in cancer, we are focused on the acknowledgment of the deepest, most familiar facets of our personhood. to nourish and protect the life force within is the instinct that keeps each species going from generation to generation. It may not always make rational sense, but thanks to intuition and the assortment of other gifts stored away in our ancestral goodie bags, we know what we have to do at any given moment to preserve this fragile existence. to sustain our lineage is encoded in our dna.

before we get too comfortable, we must remember that no matter how well acclimatized we are, every season presents its challenges. without the occasional obstacle, the experience of life would be too subjective to sustain the dynamism of authentic expression in all its completeness. that is where the full moon in capricorn, which opposes the cancer sun, comes into play. we are feeling the subconscious call to endeavor toward the practical attainment of worldly accomplishment. our survival skills mean little if we do not at some point assume responsibility for the successful advancement of the family name beyond the home and into the stratosphere of society. the tangible achievements we need to satisfy this obscure hunger are the products of structure, goals, and concentrated motivation.

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mars direct in libra: collaboration indignation [#StarsAndSymbols]

i meant to post this thing on monday, but sometimes it’s good to wait.

good news for those who have grown tired of holding their horses. mars, god of war and our astrological impulse to do something, resumed direct motion earlier this week. since march, mars has apparently been moving backward in an earthbound optical illusion we call a retrograde. the function of mars is inverted when it is retrograde so that instead of pursuing our conquests directly, we choose to reflect and deliberate and even take a step back to assess the best method of attack, perhaps as a result of self-doubt. there is no problem with thinking before we act, but when instincts are not honored as urgently as they arise, we risk missing out on the moment and remaining in a place of immobility. in the words of every madonna song (seriously, she’s lyrically impatient), “no hesitating!”

with mars retrograde in libra, the probability of us getting stuck on fences is exacerbated. mars rules aries, libra’s polar opposite sign, so mars in libra feels relatively uncomfortable expressing its passionately aggressive desires as our energy is focused on striking a pleasant balance with our peers. for the past few months, many of us have felt agitated by people we consider equals (lovers, friends, business partners, open enemies), and while disagreements have forced us to accost our issues other people, mars’ retrograde motion in addition to libra’s influence suggests a facade of niceness that has masked the outburst of the contemptuous feelings that have been smoldering just below the surface. in other words, because of retrograde mars’ debilitation in the sign of the scales, it is likely that passive aggression has won out over the direct expression of anger. ready to explode?

Never-Go-to-Bed-Angry

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i need a fucking lock [freewrite]

as soon as my check clears, i am purchasing a lock. i used to have a lock before my sister stole my room when i went to college. now i’m in the small shoebox that was originally hers, and this shit doesn’t have a lock.

thief-proof-door-lock-design

i’m so tired of people walking in here with knocking. who does that? and they claim they don’t, but they do, and i’m sick of it. it was such a relief being back home after having zero privacy in the dorms (except junior year when I had my OWN room, so nice, loved it) until i remembered i live in a room with a built-in, lifetime guaranteed, reverse do-not-disturb sign, open-door policy. what if i want to sleep butt naked without having to worry about intruded upon by my mom and my sister? what if i want to masturbate all over my room, in all 4 corners? oops, guess i can’t.

so my sister just got back home after being in new york for a few days. the first thing she does is barge in my room unannounced at 3 AM, turn on my light, unplug the fan that i took from her room, tell me my room stinks, ask what the wet spot is on my carpet (it’s water), and tell me my room stinks again before walking out with the fan and slamming my door. what the fuck. i don’t understand the way the world works sometimes. the fan isn’t hers, by the way. it’s a house fan. completely communal. not purchased by her at all. i’d be all types of “girls” and “gays” if i were to snitch and have my mom make her give me back the fan, though. oops, guess i wasn’t hot.

sometimes i get so angry i want to cry because what can i do? i can’t call my sister a bitch, right? or my mom for that matter. even if i think it. even if i want to. i could, but… that wouldn’t help.