a compassionate approach [#FreeWrite]

this is a follow-up or addendum of sorts to my previous My Best Week post, “the alchemist“…

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in order to be thorough in the process of exposing self-sabotaging behavioral compulsions, it is valuable for one to explore them without shame, but instead with genuine, nonjudgmental curiosity. denial of these urges is not as effective ultimately as it would be to let them happen as they do. if we are strong enough to take an objective assessment after all is said and done, with a forgiving approach rather than one of condemnation, we can determine the pros and cons of our potentially destructive tendencies in an efficient way that will surely help to redirect that same energy to be used as fuel for our inherent creativity. Continue reading

contained lunacy [#freewrite]

today feels so calm for there to be a full moon. and it’s in scorpio! maybe it’s because i’m a scorpio? all i have felt all day is unbelievably sleepy.

also, today’s my last official day at the spa. they want to keep me on call, to come in if i feel like it when they need me, but i don’t know how that will turn out. i have such love for this place, but in my mind, i’m done. i did sign up for a 12 month membership, so i’m still there in many ways. endings are appropriate under the culmination of the transformative scorpio full moon.

i know someone out there is having a more intense experience than i am. then again, saturn isn’t too far off from luna’s illumination, so the dynamism is more still than usual. i see more quiet frustrations than over the top outbursts. even in the moments of aggravation, there are solutions to be found if we are aware of their existence. if it doesn’t work, we can either fix it, recycle it, or throw it away. it’s as clear as that. easy even.

forgotten anniversaries [#FreeWrite]

how weird is it how something can so profoundly effect one’s life, only to slowly transcend into the realm of memories. what used to be above the surface has slipped below the line that separate conscious from the subconscious. outside of the jurisdiction of my awareness, i am still being influenced by past impressions, even after the poems i wrote so poignantly to relieve the pressure of my world when it caved in on me.

i used to think about it every second of every day, but not anymore. it comes when it pleases and leaves before i let it get too deep. it is pointless to let blood seep from a wound that should be healed, but i can feel it all over again when i want to, although i don’t know why i would.

it came across my mind today out of pure coincidence. i admit this is the 7th anniversary, but as each year passes, the mental reenactments start to play less frequently. i can rest peacefully knowing that i weathered the storm, transformed, and stand taller today than ever before. sometimes, still, i can’t but explore that moment frozen in time.

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and so i celebrate my shadow, because without it, my shine wouldn’t be as bright.

agree to disagree [#freewrite]

Here’s a little piece I wrote back in November of 2012. The sentiment for me is just as strong, if not stronger, as it was when it was written. This was astrologically unrelated at the moment of conception, but it relates to the sky right now with Mars [in Libra] squaring Pluto/Sun/Mercury [in Capricorn] and opposing Uranus [in Aries], causing internal friction that is triggered by (and possibly projected onto) relationships and other external occurrences. On top of that, Venus [in the later degrees of Capricorn] is now retrograde, altering the way in which we relate to others. Some of us are living in a fierce tempest as earthly existence mirrors the tumult of the cosmos, so I feel that this Tumblr post is as relevant as ever, whether or not you agree or disagree 😉

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Agree to Disagree:

“Let’s agree to disagree.”

Hmm… Let’s not. Agreeing to disagree is a copout.

Don’t get me wrong. With my greatest effort, I aim for agreement. It feels great to be on the same page with other people. That said, a little disagreement never hurt anyone. Why sugarcoat the disagreement by “agreeing” to it? That’s just disrespectful. If I don’t agree, I DO NOT AGREE, at all.

It’s not that I don’t see the other point of view. In fact, I think I worry too much about other points of view, as I pride myself on being diplomatic. Unfortunately, diplomacy is not always enough, and we disagree. Disagreement is the inability to muster even the slightest ounce of agreement. If we’re going to disagree, let’s commit to our disagreement. Live in it. Embrace it.

don’t agree to disagree. I disagree. I revel in disagreement.

extraction4jesus [#FreeWrite]

Remember when Tom Hanks’ character in castaway knocked out his own tooth because it was causing him such excruciating pain?

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That was me this morning.

I have a habit of putting things off as long as humanly possible, which is exactly what I did with my tooth that had been causing me occasional pain, albeit dull, for the past couples years. Let me tell you, the pain was anything but dull when I woke up. I immediately called out of both jobs, and scheduled an emergency appointment. I also cried for 2.5 seconds, which was probably the quickest, cutest cry I’ve ever cried. Brevity + sincerity = so adorable.

My wisdom teeth were all taken out in high school, and after I graduated, I steered clear of the dentist’s office. In September, I discovered a hole in my tooth (last one on the upper left), and decided it was time for 4 years worth of damage control.

I read up on all about the dangers of fluoride and mercury poisoning in college, so I was hesitant to visit the dentist again. After doing some sort of X-Ray or scan, they confirmed that there was indeed a hole, and tried to coerce me into scheduling a root canal. Instead I inquired more about the extraction. After emphasizing the fact that “once it’s gone, it’s gone forever” and reluctantly admitting that the extraction would be the cheaper option, I decided I needed time to think about it before I scheduled the procedure. Is it in the dentistry handbook to make the patient feel forced into a root canal and guilty for electing an extraction? Selling is not exclusive to retail I have learned.

“I mean, you’re not going to hell if you get the extraction,” the dentist told me, breaking it down for me, man to man. That was the awkward moment when I realized I was an adult, because the kiddy dentist would have never said that to me. Continue reading