go there, but don’t stay: 8/3/14 [#MyBestWeek]

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one of the most gut-wrenching feelings is to desire something or someone so fervently only to have it be snatched away in plain sight. there is little we can do to overcome that anguish, so our only choice is to live with it, to feel it completely. cry if need be. it is important for us to go there, but it would be a mistake to stay. self-destruction and downward spirals are the results of festering sentiment that has found no outlet or expression. if we have it, we have to do something with it, or else it will do something to us.

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a compassionate approach [#FreeWrite]

this is a follow-up or addendum of sorts to my previous My Best Week post, “the alchemist“…

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in order to be thorough in the process of exposing self-sabotaging behavioral compulsions, it is valuable for one to explore them without shame, but instead with genuine, nonjudgmental curiosity. denial of these urges is not as effective ultimately as it would be to let them happen as they do. if we are strong enough to take an objective assessment after all is said and done, with a forgiving approach rather than one of condemnation, we can determine the pros and cons of our potentially destructive tendencies in an efficient way that will surely help to redirect that same energy to be used as fuel for our inherent creativity. Continue reading

sunny w/ a chance of shade: cancer new moon [#StarsAndSymbols]

there is a transformation that occurs when we express ourselves fearlessly in the moment. the responses that are elicited by living truthfully are testimonies to our inherent power, but only if we claim it as our own. self-engagement can be so enrapturing that it is startling to be confronted by the inevitable reaction of disagreement, as others try to solve our riddles, searching the depths for that thing within us that triggers their own feelings of uneasiness. in those moments it is important for us to recognize our own individual influences, as we are capable of affecting our environment, no matter how our respective presences are received by other people. if we choose to dim our lights and shy away from the awesomeness of authenticity in order to manipulate the external factors, our power is projected, giving it away for others to wield as they wish. when we risk our emotional comfort by embracing the sometimes controversial originality of this existence as it is embodied within us all, despite the adversity we may face from those suffering from their own psychologically projected traumas, then we begin to transcend the darkness with the dawn of limitless light.

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the new moon is exact on June 26, 2014 at 4:08 AM EST in 5 degrees cancer, the mother of the zodiac. as always, the new moon is the beginning of a lunation [lunar cycle] prompted by the conjunction of the sun [ego expression] and moon [subconscious reaction], so it represents an initiation or a starting point. this is a chance to wipe the slate clean and start, and the quality of the start will relate to the realm of cancer [the experience of emotions]. when two planets come together in conjunction to unify as a single energy, the effect can be either volatile or harmonious, or both. it all depends on the other aspects.

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be a masterpiece: 5/18/14 [#MyBestWeek]

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as evidenced in a variety of enduring magnum opuses, many people of many cultures and eras believe that we are all intrinsically connected. does that mean we should deny our unique experience and super special perspective? absolutely not! we must individuate ourselves (a strong “damn it” feels appropriate right here, yeah?). if we don’t leave our footprint on the surface of the earth, were we ever even alive? if the upside down sun isn’t shining, then there is nothing to see here folks! apathy, fatigue, and the depletion of life force energy in general signify either an unconscious blockage of self-expression or a wasteful expenditure of vital power that leaves us exhausted. how can we expect to create a signature by which to be remembered if we are not performing full out? life is no dress rehearsal.

some facet of our personality is being stifled whether or not we realize it. in order to continue the healthy development of the ego, we must shed light on the aspects of our being that have not yet been integrated. by acknowledging the entirety of who we are, we free ourselves to live fully in alignment with the whims of our creative will, which range from romantic to risky. whichever end of the spectrum our recreation takes us, it’s all in good fun. there is nobody else quite like us and if that doesn’t inspiration the extension of self, then leo is not the king of the jungle. even if we are not proud of everything we’ve experienced, we still have the authority to celebrate the totality of our existence for the sheer fact that there are no duplicates. way past one in a million is who we are.

if there is ever any uncertainty regarding the root of our self-consciousness and the obstruction of our eminent potential, our partnerships serve as a mirror if we choose to see ourselves in others. we attract those who are meant to refine us in some way, so sometimes it may feel as though we are in abrasive relationships. peaceful exchanges are preferred in the 7th house, but edgy interactions are indicative of the bits and pieces of our personhood that we must be conscious of in order to generate the amount of fuel necessary to sustain the animation that is playing out around us.

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the edge of realization: cardinal grand cross [#StarsAndSymbols]

one minute the gears are grinding at an alarming speed, the next minute they have come to a screeching halt. one false move and the whole apparatus could implode. with all this starting and stopping and suddenness of movement, it is impossible to anticipate what exactly will happen next. i guess it’s best that we expect the unexpected. or maybe we should not to expect anything at all. realistically speaking, how can one accurately anticipate something that has never before been experienced? one can surely try, but it will be hard. there is an increasing uneasiness that many of us are feeling the world over due to a seemingly insurmountable inner friction, but instead of stressing, i suggest we channel this rigid anxiety productively to manifest success.

hitting snooze too many times because you drank too much at your best frenemy’s housewarming party the night before only to get pulled over for speeding on the expressway en route to work knowing damn well you were supposed to open today and you’ve already been late 2 times in the past week and you just hope the car doesn’t still smell like yesterday’s hotbox… that’s what this COULD feel like.

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no pressure, but truth of the matter is that we are on the brink of an epic conflict, and “easy” is not a befitting adjective. this may sound intimidating, but before we retreat into defense mode thinking others are out to get us, we must recognize that this battle exists within us. our internal struggle may be triggered by outside influences, but these are just projections. taking responsibility for our actions in relationships and owning up to our external circumstances are necessary to reclaim our personal power, not to mention the difference between steering the ship and playing passenger to another captain. it is urgently imperative to remember that although we may be fighting against the world, the same war, the very source of our outward ambition, is being waged within. the moment we accept this as a cross to bear, regardless of its heaviness, is the moment that motivation to win will overcome us.

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how to say ouch: mercury/chiron [#StarsAndSymbols]

i’ve been locking my hair for a little over a year now, and despite what some may think, such a style can require some heavy maintenance for the past however many hours, i’ve endured the arduous process of getting my hair done, which for me consists of re-twisting what hair people refer to as new growth. growing up in the era of lil’ bow wow inspired boy cornrows, i dread the moment i sit and submit to the torture, as i am what they call “tender-headed.” in other words, my sensitive head hurts a little too easily.

“does any of this hurt?” asked my mom, aka my part-time hair stylist, as the hair in her hand pulled on the perimeter of my scalp.

“yes,” i replied with false placidity, like a professional pain-taker.

“well, i wouldn’t know, you ain’t say nothin!” she admitted. “you gotta let people know when you’re in pain.”

such a simple conversation struck me like a lightning bolt. for whatever reason i have learned how to grin and bear it, thinking this as some sort of strength when it’s more like denial. aside from situations beyond our control, we allow everything that is inflicted upon us when we give silent permission, so it is our responsibility to vocalize the discomfort we feel at any given moment.

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3/30/14: relinquishing resentment [#MyBestWeek]

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eyes avert. conversation ceases. the air is uneasy. this is that awkward moment when we walk into a room, overcome by the feeling that someone was just talking about us. neptune is our connection to the collective unconscious, aka the stuff we all know that sometimes goes unnoticed as it exists a right below the realm of our awareness. it is up to us to tune into the spiritual world, and although the vibrations are not physically tangible, the impressions they leave are undeniable. deceitful delusions and self-defeating confusion can be avoided by purging our energy bodies of all that we have absorbed.

the atmosphere as of late may have been aggressive as indicated by aries. as the first sign of the zodiac, the ram is quick to get fired up. tempers flare and impulses are acted upon. there is not turning back once the move is made, so we must be brave enough to confront our fears head on. sometimes we charge too hard, and while it is best not to dwell, anger swells as a results of bruised egos and it becomes a challenge to let go of what hurts. when we become so distracted by the painful disillusionment of combat that we lose our sense of self, we must meditate on the meaning of forgiveness.

our relationships are affected when we don’t set aside time to get ourselves together. the 7th house represents the astrological other, and it is impossible to be a pure-hearted partner if we are too preoccupied with the bitterness of our hidden indignation. it is not fair to the people we care about to harbor hate when we relate to them. the fair thing to do would be to relinquish the resentment and reestablish harmony.

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my best week: 3/16/14 [#StarsAndSymbols]

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the moon affects the tides of the earth, rising them high and letting them fall. in astrology, lunar energy represents the ebb and the flow of our feelings as we receive the energy around us. some vibrations leave stronger impressions on us, and sometimes we are more receptive to them. some may call it moody, but let’s look at it as fluctuation. the moon is always going through a phase, so it never stays the same. comfort gives most of us some sort of security, but as long there is something to be felt, there is the chance we could be carried away by a tidal wave.

are we swimming up or downstream? maybe, quite possibly both! pisces left alone in its natural habitat is a little… all over the place, not easily contained as it tries to float away. there is no use for a fish to have its feet on the ground, because we all know it has fins to swim, and life is much more magical when we dive in and imbibe the brew of the universe. intoxication can help us temporarily escape from the turmoil that seems to trap us, but we risk self-sabotage when we become addicted to deception. we must tune into the higher power of the current to avoid drowning in delusion.

still water runs deeper in the 8th house. the surface simply will not suffice. probing the depths is a daunting job, but someone’s gotta do it. it can be hard to see clearly when we are digging in the dark, and while obscured excavation can be dangerous, it only strengthens the other senses. if destruction is a possibility, so is regeneration. this process may be taxing but if we believe it will pay off, it probably will. let’s plunge into the sea and discover the treasure that lies 8,000 leagues beneath.

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my best week: 2/23/14 [#StarsAndSymbols]

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*******

if it’s heavy, give it up. letting go is something we speak of quite often, especially when the south node is called into question, but what exactly are we renouncing? i think it’s easy, especially for me, to dismiss the south node as a karmic black hole, and although it can be, it exists for a reason. the south node of the moon represents the impression that has been left on our soul by past lives. the stuff that comes easy to us, the thing that is so second nature it gives us a stomach ache – that is the south node. when working with this energy, we must be consciously careful not to use it as an excuse to avoid rising to the occasion of a comfort zone crossing challenge. only when we embrace the uncharted territory of the north node – aka the reason we are here in this lifetime as opposed to the last one – will we have the awareness to distinguish the south node’s trash from its treasure, and everything else will start to make sense.

good thing scorpio has the penetrating intuition and unflinching emotional depth necessary to come to such an elusive conclusion. when emotionally invested, scorpio is able to detect and seduce latent potential from its dormant state of slumber, transmuting dark matter into the light of consciousness. it can be mutually profitable for this sign to invest its energy in handling other people’s resources if only scorpio allows itself to forgive injuries, real and perceived. the negative expression of the scorpion is enfolded by hurt, pain, trauma, betrayal, resentment, jealousy, and revenge, so when crossed, this sign will withdraw its resources and withhold valuably vital insights. no matter how intimidating the stinger can be, it is rooted in defensive insecurity and a sometimes overzealous survival instinct, and accepting that will initiative evolution through healing. using our keen psychological comprehension constructively to identify instances in which our own self-destructive tendencies hold us back from uncovering hidden gifts is a definite way to determine what needs to be discarded in order to transcend the turmoil of our lower selves.

the heights of the 10th house suggest we are indeed moving on up. capricorn, the sign of cautious ambition, is associated with this house, so it is no question we are going places as long as we are disciplined and dedicated. capricorn is limitation, meaning it works best within some sort of boundaries, so the 10th house might need the focus of a little restriction to operate at its fullest capacity. unfortunately, in trying to live within its means, capricorn is sometimes stifled by the fear of failure and any other unpredictable outcome. we all have goals, especially in the context of career, but we must first rid ourselves of unsupportive rigidity and irreverent pessimism. the more we realize the power that is and has always been an essential part of who we are, the less we will engage in controlled exchanges and calculated manipulations. there is no need to allow paranoia and doubt to compromise the integrity of our collective character, no matter how unfamiliar the path may be in the pursuit of our passions.

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extraction4jesus [#FreeWrite]

Remember when Tom Hanks’ character in castaway knocked out his own tooth because it was causing him such excruciating pain?

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That was me this morning.

I have a habit of putting things off as long as humanly possible, which is exactly what I did with my tooth that had been causing me occasional pain, albeit dull, for the past couples years. Let me tell you, the pain was anything but dull when I woke up. I immediately called out of both jobs, and scheduled an emergency appointment. I also cried for 2.5 seconds, which was probably the quickest, cutest cry I’ve ever cried. Brevity + sincerity = so adorable.

My wisdom teeth were all taken out in high school, and after I graduated, I steered clear of the dentist’s office. In September, I discovered a hole in my tooth (last one on the upper left), and decided it was time for 4 years worth of damage control.

I read up on all about the dangers of fluoride and mercury poisoning in college, so I was hesitant to visit the dentist again. After doing some sort of X-Ray or scan, they confirmed that there was indeed a hole, and tried to coerce me into scheduling a root canal. Instead I inquired more about the extraction. After emphasizing the fact that “once it’s gone, it’s gone forever” and reluctantly admitting that the extraction would be the cheaper option, I decided I needed time to think about it before I scheduled the procedure. Is it in the dentistry handbook to make the patient feel forced into a root canal and guilty for electing an extraction? Selling is not exclusive to retail I have learned.

“I mean, you’re not going to hell if you get the extraction,” the dentist told me, breaking it down for me, man to man. That was the awkward moment when I realized I was an adult, because the kiddy dentist would have never said that to me. Continue reading