go there, but don’t stay: 8/3/14 [#MyBestWeek]

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one of the most gut-wrenching feelings is to desire something or someone so fervently only to have it be snatched away in plain sight. there is little we can do to overcome that anguish, so our only choice is to live with it, to feel it completely. cry if need be. it is important for us to go there, but it would be a mistake to stay. self-destruction and downward spirals are the results of festering sentiment that has found no outlet or expression. if we have it, we have to do something with it, or else it will do something to us.

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a compassionate approach [#FreeWrite]

this is a follow-up or addendum of sorts to my previous My Best Week post, “the alchemist“…

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in order to be thorough in the process of exposing self-sabotaging behavioral compulsions, it is valuable for one to explore them without shame, but instead with genuine, nonjudgmental curiosity. denial of these urges is not as effective ultimately as it would be to let them happen as they do. if we are strong enough to take an objective assessment after all is said and done, with a forgiving approach rather than one of condemnation, we can determine the pros and cons of our potentially destructive tendencies in an efficient way that will surely help to redirect that same energy to be used as fuel for our inherent creativity. Continue reading

the alchemist: 6/29/14 [#MyBestWeek]

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it is easy this week for us to identify exactly where we are losing life force energy by giving away our power. there are many ways we keep ourselves powerless without even realizing it. in order to bring these unconscious tendencies into the realm of awareness, we must honestly assess the interactions and activities that leave us feeling drained.

the crash of disappointment that is experienced after the false fulfillment of temporary satisfaction is an indication that we are wasting our energy on instant gratification and superficially quick results rather than exercising the full potential and focused patience of true power. is it easy to believe that we become more powerful by controlling external circumstances, specifically the people in our environments, but that is untrue. by focusing on manipulation of the “other” to get what we want instead of trusting our ability to successfully navigate any possible scenario, we actually forfeit all self-control, rendering us powerless. when things don’t go our way, many of us hold grudges that affect us adversely while the objects of our contempt are living their lives, unbothered and empowered by our resentment. obsession, addiction, attachment, the list goes on, and these are all ways we unknowingly relinquish our personal power. as the self-sabotage becomes clearer, the next logical step is to change our ways.

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sunny w/ a chance of shade: cancer new moon [#StarsAndSymbols]

there is a transformation that occurs when we express ourselves fearlessly in the moment. the responses that are elicited by living truthfully are testimonies to our inherent power, but only if we claim it as our own. self-engagement can be so enrapturing that it is startling to be confronted by the inevitable reaction of disagreement, as others try to solve our riddles, searching the depths for that thing within us that triggers their own feelings of uneasiness. in those moments it is important for us to recognize our own individual influences, as we are capable of affecting our environment, no matter how our respective presences are received by other people. if we choose to dim our lights and shy away from the awesomeness of authenticity in order to manipulate the external factors, our power is projected, giving it away for others to wield as they wish. when we risk our emotional comfort by embracing the sometimes controversial originality of this existence as it is embodied within us all, despite the adversity we may face from those suffering from their own psychologically projected traumas, then we begin to transcend the darkness with the dawn of limitless light.

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the new moon is exact on June 26, 2014 at 4:08 AM EST in 5 degrees cancer, the mother of the zodiac. as always, the new moon is the beginning of a lunation [lunar cycle] prompted by the conjunction of the sun [ego expression] and moon [subconscious reaction], so it represents an initiation or a starting point. this is a chance to wipe the slate clean and start, and the quality of the start will relate to the realm of cancer [the experience of emotions]. when two planets come together in conjunction to unify as a single energy, the effect can be either volatile or harmonious, or both. it all depends on the other aspects.

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asteroid goddesses: an introduction [#StarsAndSymbols]

last week i ordered 3 astrology books, and one by one they were all delivered. the first one i received was Asteroid Goddesses by Demetra George. it expounds upon the mythology of the 4 main asteroid goddesses [Ceres, Pallas Athene, Vesta, and Juno], how their respective discoveries correlated with collective awakening of different aspects of the divine feminine, and the importance of their astrological incorporation.

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it is intriguing how each asteroid goddess springs forth from the moon’s matrix of the feminine potential, as well as the physically active manifestation of alluring venus, who symbolizes and governs reproductive fertility, to represent a unique facet of feminine principle. the addition of these cosmic bodies to the natal chart adds an insightful dimension and fuller feminine influence that was merely suggested by the presence of the moon and venus, but never explored or specified in depth.

since i believe this is valuable information, i will share briefly what each asteroid goddess signifies…

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ceres is the earth mother, regarded as a physical delineation of the moon’s nurturing instinct. ceres rules food, clothing, and general sustenance that provides nourishment necessary to keep the children, plants, and animals of the earth alive and well. ceres, goddess of fertility and agriculture, had a beautiful daughter persephone with whom she was inseparable. in ceres’ contentment, the planet was blessed with infinite prosperity and eternal springtime, although many suitors desperately desired to be with the persephone, who [in the grasp of her mother] was rendered impenetrable. one day fateful day, ceres’ precious daughter was abducted by pluto, god of the underworld. ceres, in the paralyzing throes of grief, refused to tend to the crops, thereby not only starving the people, but herself as well. alarmed that there would be no mortals left to worship them, almighty [and praise-hungry] zeus decided reluctantly to strike a deal with pluto so that both he and ceres would receive joint custody of persephone, which would indeed pacify (at least partially) both parties.

during the spring and summer months, ceres is reunited with her daughter and all is well, but when she returns to the underworld, we all experience ceres’ loss in the form of the lifeless winter. attachment, separation, sharing, and custody are ceres themes. to truly comprehend the change of seasons and cyclical nature of time, ancients would be initiated into the mysteries of ceres [life, death, and rebirth]. where we find ceres in the natal chart is the area in which we must foster growth in the most organic sense, but also learn the universal lesson of letting go. as goddess of the grain, our relationship to food [often tied intrinsically to self-esteem] is governed by ceres, so one might also look to ceres in astrology when dealing with malnourishment, emotional eating, and eating disorders in general. Continue reading

how to say ouch: mercury/chiron [#StarsAndSymbols]

i’ve been locking my hair for a little over a year now, and despite what some may think, such a style can require some heavy maintenance for the past however many hours, i’ve endured the arduous process of getting my hair done, which for me consists of re-twisting what hair people refer to as new growth. growing up in the era of lil’ bow wow inspired boy cornrows, i dread the moment i sit and submit to the torture, as i am what they call “tender-headed.” in other words, my sensitive head hurts a little too easily.

“does any of this hurt?” asked my mom, aka my part-time hair stylist, as the hair in her hand pulled on the perimeter of my scalp.

“yes,” i replied with false placidity, like a professional pain-taker.

“well, i wouldn’t know, you ain’t say nothin!” she admitted. “you gotta let people know when you’re in pain.”

such a simple conversation struck me like a lightning bolt. for whatever reason i have learned how to grin and bear it, thinking this as some sort of strength when it’s more like denial. aside from situations beyond our control, we allow everything that is inflicted upon us when we give silent permission, so it is our responsibility to vocalize the discomfort we feel at any given moment.

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my best week: 2/23/14 [#StarsAndSymbols]

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if it’s heavy, give it up. letting go is something we speak of quite often, especially when the south node is called into question, but what exactly are we renouncing? i think it’s easy, especially for me, to dismiss the south node as a karmic black hole, and although it can be, it exists for a reason. the south node of the moon represents the impression that has been left on our soul by past lives. the stuff that comes easy to us, the thing that is so second nature it gives us a stomach ache – that is the south node. when working with this energy, we must be consciously careful not to use it as an excuse to avoid rising to the occasion of a comfort zone crossing challenge. only when we embrace the uncharted territory of the north node – aka the reason we are here in this lifetime as opposed to the last one – will we have the awareness to distinguish the south node’s trash from its treasure, and everything else will start to make sense.

good thing scorpio has the penetrating intuition and unflinching emotional depth necessary to come to such an elusive conclusion. when emotionally invested, scorpio is able to detect and seduce latent potential from its dormant state of slumber, transmuting dark matter into the light of consciousness. it can be mutually profitable for this sign to invest its energy in handling other people’s resources if only scorpio allows itself to forgive injuries, real and perceived. the negative expression of the scorpion is enfolded by hurt, pain, trauma, betrayal, resentment, jealousy, and revenge, so when crossed, this sign will withdraw its resources and withhold valuably vital insights. no matter how intimidating the stinger can be, it is rooted in defensive insecurity and a sometimes overzealous survival instinct, and accepting that will initiative evolution through healing. using our keen psychological comprehension constructively to identify instances in which our own self-destructive tendencies hold us back from uncovering hidden gifts is a definite way to determine what needs to be discarded in order to transcend the turmoil of our lower selves.

the heights of the 10th house suggest we are indeed moving on up. capricorn, the sign of cautious ambition, is associated with this house, so it is no question we are going places as long as we are disciplined and dedicated. capricorn is limitation, meaning it works best within some sort of boundaries, so the 10th house might need the focus of a little restriction to operate at its fullest capacity. unfortunately, in trying to live within its means, capricorn is sometimes stifled by the fear of failure and any other unpredictable outcome. we all have goals, especially in the context of career, but we must first rid ourselves of unsupportive rigidity and irreverent pessimism. the more we realize the power that is and has always been an essential part of who we are, the less we will engage in controlled exchanges and calculated manipulations. there is no need to allow paranoia and doubt to compromise the integrity of our collective character, no matter how unfamiliar the path may be in the pursuit of our passions.

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my best week: 1/5/2014 [#StarsAndSymbols]

I received a wonderful gift from one of my clients back in August. She gave me an unopened set of astrological divination cards [Astro Star Kards aka ASK], and I was instantaneously in love. I asked so many questions that I ran out of questions! Although my card usage seemed to wane once I ran out of mysteries to solve, I found a way to get more mileage out of these bad boys and that was to give myself a weekly reading.

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Every Sunday I sit, shuffle, and ask myself, “how can I make this my best week?” I have decided to share my interpretations with anyone who is looking for guidance to navigate the next 7 days.

7 cards are pulled each week. I draw a single card from the planet, sign, and house decks, which provides me with the foundation of the answer to my question. For a more detailed reading I draw a card from the aspect deck, an indication of the level of easiness or difficulty I will experience. Finally, I draw yet another planet, sign, and house card, giving me the specification I need to know what to expect from the unique energy of the upcoming week.

There are many ways to interpret these cards, just as there many ways to interpret every symbol we come across. These are my interpretations and I encourage you to find your own and share them with me if you so desire. Regardless of your conclusion, why not make this your best week?

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We will prosper this week if we learn to learn to give it up. Whatever it is, let it go. Release it. It has served it purpose. The first [planet] card I pulled was the South Node, which represents past lives, baggage, and other nouns that have worn out their welcome. The South Node represents what has been mastered, so holding on to it now is crutch of comfort and complacency, and frankly, it’s overkill at this point.

The second [sign] card is Capricorn, giving us a clue as to what needs to be relinquished. Fear, pessimism, and insecurity are the more stark characteristics of the Sea Goat [Happy Cappy Season, y’all!], so I’m focusing on the lower energy of this sign because it wouldn’t make sense to let go of something with a high vibration. After all, what is Capricorn if not sensible? Caution and doubt [Capricorn] could be holding us back [South Node] from achieving the aspiration in us that is represented by the antidotal North Node.

The third card I pulled was the 2nd House, and now we know this is a question of values and self-esteem. Tangible, physical possessions, even. The Capricorn and 2nd House cards were reversed, so the burden of limitation that we are bearing could be (and probably is) hidden in the deepest, darkest, murkiest waters of the subconscious mind, silently suppressing the god-given gifts we incarnated here to share.

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north node/saturn/venus conjunct [#StarsAndSymbols]

A field of fragrant flowers is unforgiven by me at the offensive sight of a tiny fruit fly. A single stray note slaughters the sonic sweetness of the most sophisticated symphony. A night of noteworthy novelty means nothing if even one nuance goes neglected.

Sometimes I let the smallest things get under my skin.

Earlier in the week, I let something someone said get to me. My mom is an employee of NJ Transit, so I occasionally ride the bus to work for free, like this past Sunday. As I was catching up with the bus operator, a family friend, the topic of school came up as it usually does. When asking about my younger sister’s senior year of high school and impending undergraduate adventure, she expressed her strong suggestion for my sister to attend a state school to avoid making “the same mistake” I made. The same mistake.

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One man’s mistake is another man’s destiny. The difference depends on one’s capacity to create solutions from perceived problems. It’s no secret that I’ve put myself in some situations that were more difficult than necessary, but I don’t believe them to be “mistakes”, because I am still here and I am still learning lessons. Everything happens for a reason as far as I am concerned, and as long as it is happening to me, I’m the only one who has the right to determine whether or not it is a mistake – whatever it is.

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